Plans for Jesus

I showed up at the building to collect my items and say goodbye, but a security guard met me outside the front door with some boxes already packed up. In about a minute, we loaded everything into the trunk of my car, and I drove away. The coldness of the exchange made the cost of being a whistleblower clear. I realized I'd never see most of my former colleagues, and now former friends, again. As I drove home, the pain was so unbearable I couldn't cry.

When a large foundation announced they planned to spend a billion dollars on advertisements about Jesus, I felt conflicted. Throughout my ministry, I've always done some kind of marketing. But a Super Bowl ad? Jealousy and cynicism don't mix well.

When I visited Honduras in 2017, I had an M.Div. degree, years of ministry experience, and a position with a global nonprofit. As the board chair for Creating Jobs, I wanted to meet our beneficiaries. We sat down to coach Joyce, a 17-year-old who runs a hair salon. A few hours later, we all realized we'd been in the presence of unexpected greatness. This teenager had hired three employees, developed a loyal clientele, was paying her way through college, and was supporting eight family members with her income. But we were most impressed with her kindness, humility, and compassion. I showed up to teach. But she gave the lesson.

We were sitting at Flour in Boston because I couldn't resist their croissants. As I caught up with an old friend, I asked about her family. She let out a deep, heavy sigh. Then she told me, "After he said he wanted a divorce, I realized he'd checked out of the marriage a long time ago. No matter how hard I tried to make it work, he'd already decided to leave." Have you ever tried to be close to someone, but found they were always far away?

I went to the morning prayer meeting because I was running on empty. The grind of planning our annual summer conference had left me drained. Between coordinating flights for speakers, housing for participants, and preparing to emcee the week, I was exhausted. But I left the prayer meeting feeling empty, too. How bad was it when meeting with co-workers to pray didn't change how I felt? As I walked down the hallway to my desk, I felt the heaviness of each step.